But, I can't help but notice--it is seeming more and more like I am not here. Last week, my office staff scheduled a meeting without consulting me. I say things, and it seems just a little bit like folks aren't really paying attention, at least not as much as I'm used to.
"Oh, that's just Patrick talking...yadayadayada. He won't be here next year."
So no one has come right out and said that. But, I can hear them thinking it.
And fair enough. As we are making schedule and staffing and budget decisions--difficult decisions--I am fully present, and making them well (I hope). I care, deeply, about this place and its future; about these people and their future. But, at the same time I have this surreal sensation: it is all academic. It is all theoretical. (For me.) Notice I said, "their" future and not "our" future. This is difficult for me, and it is an adjustment.
My family's future is on another continent. My modal conversation with people I see less then daily, goes something like, "So, are you getting all packed?...You must be excited. What an adventure!...Of course, you guys have lived overseas before"... (My predictable responses replace the ellipses.)
It is exciting. We are getting all packed. We are happy about where we are going, and what we believe (based on past experience) awaits us. And, we are sad. This is a good school, a good community, and a good home. There is a grieving process, and our family is moving through the various stages of detachment/loss: denial, anger (well, angst), bargaining, depression, acceptance. At the same time we are going through an anticipation, excitement, and preparation (elements of the "expat adjustment cycle" referenced by some HR professionals). If you like to codify and classify things into predictable patterns and cycles. See, I'm sure we are headed to a good school, a good community, and a good home.
So in the end, "it's all good." That doesn't mean it's easy.
