It's a lot

Don't get me wrong.  I knew it would be.  A wise mentor once told me (I never, ever doubted it was true):  In this field (education; educational leadership, specifically), you can be on top of your game in any two of the three:  work (e.g., being a school leader/administrator), school (e.g., taking graduate courses to grow), and family (e.g., being a terrific husband and father, and taking care of aging parents in a meaningful way).  But, all three at once--something has got to give.

So here I am.  I will say that family comes first, and it is the most important thing.  But, my family has been very patient, and very wonderful with me, as I sometimes (often) put them on hold.  Being a high school principal--being one that makes a difference--is a 60 to 70 hour a week job (yes, some weeks go over that), and high intensity as well.

A year and a half ago I added "doctoral student" to that mix.  My studies have been positive, energizing, even transformational.  But, time consuming.  I've found some tricks.  I put all my reading (it's a lot of reading) on a tablet, that I carry around obsessively.  I use all those little bits of found time (waiting in line, waiting for the food to come, for the next barber to be available, riding in a car if I'm not the driver, etc.) to chip away at that load.  I use wifi and a laptop to work on my discussion posts while my kid is soccer practice, or whatever the event du jour. 

So far, so good--I'm halfway through the program with flying colors.  My wife hasn't left me.  I have not quit or been fired (and the data says my school is doing well under my leadership).

And as a human being I still need down time.  To process, to assimilate, to rest.  Simply to rest, and recharge.  That time has become so precious, and I am learning to treasure it.  Maybe my mentor was wrong--maybe each panel of that life triptych can give, and take, and an essential balance can remain.  It is a lot, but not too much.

This blog post has been an indulgence, and counts toward that "recharge time."  All is well.  Now, back to work.

Furloughed

I won't politicize my blog, here, or express opinions my employer might not like.  Or talk about sequestration, the continuing resolution (or lack thereof), or the state of the federal budget in general.  Or, unintended consequences or hidden, soft costs.

I'm furloughed today.  I can't go in to work, though I have piles to do (I'm still the guy responsible for seeing to a smooth start to the school year at my school), can't check my email, and can't answer my work cell phone.  Tomorrow morning, I'll start sorting through all of that.  First thing.  Early.

I'm also off school (my school, the school I'm attending) for this one week.  I'm pulled in so many directions.  A short "found" day.  Run some errands.  Spend a little extra time paying attention to my wife and kids.  Catch up on a little reading.  Go for a walk. Blog. Watch a rerun of West Wing.  Work on my Creighton EdD portfolio (a program requirement, I need to update). 

Tomorrow will be a whirlwind.  Today, I'm laying low.

Envious.

One of the (too many) activities our family scheduled for this summer's home leave was a continued college exploration for my eldest son, starting his senior year in high school next fall.  While I was not present at each of these, this summer's campus visits included California Institute of Technology, Harvey Mudd College, Oregon State University, and Cal Poly Pomona; last summer included University of Oregon; recent previous visits have included my own (University of the Pacific) and my wife's (UC Santa Barbara) alma maters.

With each campus tour, I was struck with a strong wave of nostalgia.  Man, were my college years a great time.  I'm not saying I don't love my life now.  Having a bit of maturity (some from the peanut gallery may beg to differ, but nonetheless), a bit of a savings account, a wonderful family, a rewarding career, etc., and blah blah blah...is all good, mind you.

However:  did I mention what a great time my college years were?  I love to study and to learn, and to have that be your full time job and responsibility, how good is that!  And the recreational activities to boot.  We won't go into details here, but I do remember having a lot of fun, in a lot of ways.

We were adults, pretty much, legal, unsupervised (reference my recent "home alone" post for my position on THAT), footloose, fancy free, and a whole lot of other cliches to boot.

So, I keep going back to school, first for a masters, and now a doctorate.  But mark my words.  It is not the same.  The undergrad experience is a unique, wonderful, and very special time of life, and you will never get it back.  Sure, there are different, still special, and again wonderful times to come--but never again will you "have it all in front of you...."

Ah, youth is wasted on the young, as Shaw said.  Son, pay attention: relish these, your salad days. See if you can get your head around is paradox: it doesn't get any better than that...and, afterward, it gets even better.

Home Alone

I am an introvert.  That confuses people sometimes, because I am a people person.  I have chosen a helping profession--education--that is all about people, and interacting with people. I enjoy that immensely.  I wouldn't change that.  I like the stage.  I'm a performer, as an instrumentalist, a singer, a speaker...that seems pretty extroverted, doesn't it.  I wouldn't change that either.  But, when I do personality or trait or "type" identifying exercises (such as Meyers-Briggs, "colors," StrengthsQuest, etc.) I invariably show as "introverted."  Often, just barely.  That is, we pretend it is a discrete definition, not a continuum.  But, it is a continuum.  And, invariably (see, if you study the social sciences for too long, you end up doing these things regularly), I end up on the introversion side, even if mildly.  I "recharge" by being quiet, reflecting, reading...alone.  Extroverts "recharge" by being with people, partying, conversing...together.  (My wife is an extrovert, by that definition.)

My family, with the kids done with school for the summer, has boarded a plane to visit extended family, vacation, and play.  I have a couple of weeks of work left to do, so I will follow and catch up with them after that.  For right now, the house is quiet.  It occurs to me that I have not been home alone, for even a minute, in over a year.  I'm conflicted:  on the one hand, I miss my family already (they just left today), but on the other hand, I am beginning a two-week stint (when not at work) of introvert bliss.  I'm going to read, and journal, and reflect, and tidy up the house (that's especially fun when there is no one else to "mess it up,") and play guitar, and...just be, alone.  I'll stay late at work and catch up, and not feel guilty about not being home.  Maybe I'll take a solitary walk, or sit at a coffee shop and watch the people go by.  Maybe I'll aimlessly surf the internet.  Maybe I'll blog a bit.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm already looking forward to hooking back up with my family in a couple of weeks.  But for right now, I'm enjoying being home alone.

Success v. happiness

I watched a TED talk last week, in which the presenter, Shawn Achor, posits the commonly held belief that success leads to happiness, when held up to research, is 180 degrees wrong. That is, he says, happiness in fact increases productivity and success, in a measurable way. But, success, by our standard definitions (raises, promotions, climbing the corporate ladder, getting more "stuff," fulfilling expectation scripts--I suppose I may have added a couple of my own in there) does not lead to happiness. We have it wrong.

He offered a simple script--probably an overly simple script--to increase happiness. Exercise. Eat healthy. Reflect intentionally on positives.  That is, keep a log of three positive things you did, or that happened, each day. Keep a positive journal.  Stuff like that.  I'm not representing him well--it was an eloquent, well-received talk with a valid point and an actionable message. I left it remembering my brief infatuation with Norman Vincent Peale, during my adolescence.  And, inspired to be more positive.

In fact, I decided to make my Lent (trying to take that Catholic obligation, tradition, and opportunity to a higher level of meaning than that one year when I gave up coffee and my secretary made me promise to never do that ever again has been an annual ambition of mine) centered on being more positive.

Thing is, as I'm paying attention, I'm realizing what a grumpy, gruff, and frankly, negative guy I have become. At least to my own perception. And, certainly to my family's. I think outsiders may see and experience a more positive side of me, but I'm not sure about that either.  When did that happen?  It's relatively recent I think.  Maybe a response to work and family pressures, maybe a response to the media (don't even get me started on that), maybe for no good reason at all.

Well, when I reflect, there is no doubt that the universe is an unfathomable  miracle and life a precious and amazing gift.  I need to remember that in the moment.

And, I need to lighten up.

Wish me luck, eh?

It's a finite resource.

It occurs to me that maybe productive output in terms of words, sentences, thoughts--complete, coherent, articulate thoughts, anyway--is perhaps a finite resource.  It sure seems that way.

I'm not blogging here.  Anymore.  Why?  I don't seem to have much to say.  Or, at least, to have much left to say.  Or, maybe it is that I just don't have time.

I'm working on my doctorate.  It's a great program, one that is growing by leaps and bounds, and for good reason.  One that is aligned with an Ignatian philosophy--care of the individual, social justice, striving for excellence and the greater good--that resonates solidly with me.  One that I can complete, living in Europe, primarily through distance learning.

I'm writing a lot, and reading even more.  That is in addition to the heavy reading and writing I do as part of my day job.  And in addition to any recreational reading (e.g. none) and writing (e.g. this blog, and not since last July) I might do.

Writing papers, writing discussion posts and responses...writing my reflections and musings (in consummate APA style, always).  I get regular compliments ("you write so well," "great 'voice,'" "you are very articulate," etc.); I like that--I like compliments.  But the writing is not gratifying in the same way as journaling, as writing from the heart.  It is writing as a means, not as an end.

My wife, on the other hand, is working on her third unpublished novel.  Her joy in writing is in the act, in the process, in the creation.  And, she has no deadlines, no due dates, and no work or school assignments consuming her finite resource.  She is writing just for herself.

She is very lucky.

Oh, she's also very good.  Search Arlee Olson on Amazon.com and you can download one of her titles to your Kindle reader, if you want to see what I mean.